Sunday, November 21, 2010


This morning, I woke up to one of those emails telling me that a couple that we both know is having problems and one of them has moved out of the house they bought about a year ago. Whenever something like this happens, I have an initial thought: I'm not sure how they ever worked together as a couple. It's important to say that this is always my reaction. And, because I know that this is always the way that I react, I immediately remember that, from the outside, our relationship has to be pretty inexplicable. 
I think that this is usually the case with any relationship. We've been together for just over fourteen years now—and that's a lot in gay years, still—but for more than a decade, I have heard people say to my partner that he could do better and tell me that I'm too good for him and, occasionally, the same sort of thing to me. Of course, some of those have been cases where people were interested in one or the other of us or people were just being generally destructive. But, many of them were saying what they thought: that our relationship just didn't make sense. And, while I am scrupulous not to do the same sort of thing, it is definitely the case that while I can tell that people do work well together and that they make each other happy and even care about one another, I often am unable to make sense of the mechanics, given what I know about the people involved.
Hell, sometimes I don't understand how the two of us work together. So, maybe it just is a mystery how any two people ever enter into any sort of relationship. Forster wanted us only to connect; how do we do that?


Unknown said...

Congrats on 14 years--that's an impressive accomplishment. Allison and I are in the same club.

But I'm curious. How many dog years does a gay year make? Please tell me the latter are metric.

Tyler Hower said...

Well, much like dog years only average out to 7 per human year—dogs are sexually mature at a year, but humans aren't at 7 (yet)—gay years cannot be translated linearly into straight years. There is a deep and important issue of incommensurability, here.

How are the four of you doing?

Anonymous said...

Tyler and Fern: Congrats on 14 years - that is, Kevin, equal to 28 straight years.

It doesn't surprise me that there are people who question your relationship only cause they want a piece of either one of you. That is a loathsome characteristic of our complete loss of virtue and civility on a whole host of issues. And, I tend to think it happens way too often in the gay community to engage in this type of manipulative, selfish scheming. You guys are too nice to tolerate it!!

Now, back to something more important- when does Butters meet Mateo?